On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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