By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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