Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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