You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
