im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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