i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
bring money and cleavage
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
