then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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