I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
