He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
