At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
