we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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