420 ftw
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
