I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
