You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
