You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
