So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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