she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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