I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
