Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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