textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
