i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
