Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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