I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
