I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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