i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
