New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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