Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
