You're a womanizer and a bitch.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
