can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
