The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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