what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
