you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
