My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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