The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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