You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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