I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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