oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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