I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she looked like the before picture.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
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