No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
