he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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