i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
