At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
