you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
