Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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