I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
