So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
