i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
