Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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