I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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