How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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