good thing vaginas are great cup holders
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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