Im at strip club and am horny
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
