I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
